Thoughts on a retreat

So... I just got off a pretty tough retreat. It was a total of about 5 hours with 97 young people! The sheer numbers presented a challenge, but when the young people arrived, it became clear that their attitudes would be a struggle as well. There was one boy in particular who was pretty obnoxious in sessions. He was making fun of people for their opinions, and blatantly disrespecting both the adults and his peers.

This continued all day - until it came time to get ready for mass. He chose the music group (the group I was heading up). Well, I braced myself for another challenging session, and when I offered the option of playing drums, he jumped at it. I was pretty worried at this point. Obnoxious boy with drum is not usually a good combination. Except this time it was. The minute he got his hands on it, his mood changed, and his response to requests was transformed. He was a great drummer, and really cared about what he was doing. Amazing what music will do for a young person.

But it's more than music. Maybe each of us has those one or two things that will change our attitude. Those things that we truly love, that make us feel alive. I can't help but thing God gave us these things so that we could both enjoy life and give to this great world. We can give through the actual activity and through the attitude it produces in us.

I read a passage in a book about capacities - that all you need to be happy in life is to have the capacity to enjoy a few things -only 2 or 3. But those things are the ones that keep you going. The old man in the book loved opera, his garden, and kids. I'm still searching to discern mine, but currently in the running are: Outside, Music, Theatre, and Meaningful Relationships. What are yours? Please tell me about them - it is truly amazing to hear people talk of their passions. A real gift.

Religion in Schools

From a recent trip to Portchester Castle (near Portsmouth)

I was blessed to stay with Katie and Victor (fellow ex-pats).

They welcomed me into their home and I got a chance to explore their amazing town!

Daffodils are like wildflowers here... everywhere!

When I began volunteering in this Catholic retreat centre, it was no surprise that the groups that came here were either from Catholic parishes or Catholic schools. What was surprising was how many there have been. Hertfordshire (our county) just seems to keep pumping out groups of Catholic students. I have grown up in the US where there are a smattering of Christian schools, but they are all private, and definitely not the norm. Our country has chosen to keep the two separate generally. So one of my standard questions to young people is "So, what do you think of having religion in your school?" because it is so foreign to me. Their responses always include a kind of blank look and something to the effect of "it's alright...".

Well, as I have discovered (I mean, I knew this, but I didn't quite realize this) is that the majority of schools in England are Catholic schools. To these young people, having religious education as a part of their studies is completely standard - they know nothing different, and are surprised when I tell them how separated the two are where I come from.

To me, having a class where we pray, and going to a school that builds in time for worship is bizarre. But these schools, like US schools are graded on performance in math in science, are also evaluated on their religious life.

My automatic assumption is that English students have greater opportunity to explore their faith, learn about their religion, and strengthen their community in a religious way. But I am discovering that it may do the opposite. By having religion as a standard subject, it makes it quantifiable, and takes away those more 'spiritual' experiences that one might experience in a parish that focuses more on the worship, fellowship, and prayer life. When these young people come to SPEC, a place that does focus on the latter mentioned areas in a way relateable to their generation, they are pretty surprised. Many comments in their evaluations say "I learned that being Christian can be cool", "I actually prayed during prayer" and things like that.

I look back on my own experience, and I really had to choose Christianity. I mean, my parents certainly had a say in my location on Sunday mornings and Thursday nights (choir :) ), but as I grew, it became something I owned for myself. Had it been a school subject, I could have just sailed through, experiencing it every day with all my friends, but because it was somewhat counter-cultural, it gave me the opportunity to embrace and value my beliefs as my own.

For more pictures of Portchester, click here.

For pictures of a recent trip to Oxford, click here.

For some SPEC social events, click here.

What am I doing here?

I've been thinking lately about what it means to be a missionary. This is something the YAGMs discussed quite a bit before departing to our countries of service. The word accompaniment was thrown around quite a bit, and thoughts of being with people on their journey were floating through my brain. It was quite a happy image - being the happy helper and making little differences every day to all those I encountered.

When I actually arrived, those thoughts were still in my mind, but quickly were replaced with the ins and outs of SPEC - how things go, what I was meant to do with young people, where the ketchup is, and other necessities of survival in a new home. My thoughts of service were then focused on the young people that would arrive at the centre ready to experience a SPEC retreat and all it has to offer. So I put all my energy towards learning the sessions I would lead, exploring British youth culture, and trying to figure out how high schoolers work (they have been a mystery to me in the past). As this part of my experience improved, it became apparent that the rest of my life needed a little bit of help too. I started to work on finding things to refill and recharge my batteries so that I could give the energy to the young people. These activities and strategies have been very important to my own mental health, and also to the ministry at SPEC. As the balance continues to morph into an ideal one, and my life starts to feel a little more at ease with a sense of normalcy, I am faced once again with the concept of being a missionary and wonder where that word falls now.

I think back to a story I heard from a previous YAGM about accepting an invitation to a woman's house for dinner, and that by letting this woman serve her, she was in turn serving her by acknowledging her gifts and talents. This is a lesson I have also learned this year living in a community full of people who like to help people. While there are many times where I would like to just deal with things myself, by letting down my walls and being open to help, I am showing my peer that I appreciate them - that they are important and special.

So then, where does the title 'missionary' lie?

Til now I have focused it on the work with young people, and as that has had its ups and downs, so have my feelings of accomplishment and worth. But have my eyes have only been seeing half of the picture? As I think back to the story from the former YAGM, I realize that one of her biggest experiences of accompaniment was not through her actual job title, but through her daily living - in her balanced life.

When encouraged to "go into ministry" I always have giggled because I view my life as my ministry. Why not live out the values and morals I hold every day and in everything I do? I can easily apply God's greatest commandment to love in any and every situation I encounter. It's not about being in ministry during the day and then being done and going home. Ministry is a lifestyle, and the same goes with accompaniment.

I feel silly putting all this together just now. For so long this has been the focus of my faith - letting it inform my life and not have an on/off switch. But in my pursuit of control and balance, let exactly that happen. I needed to quantify it in order for it to be real.

Coming to this realization has made me feel pretty rubbish lately. Have I not lived up to expectations? Have I missed the mark? So I had a good chat with Anthony about it. I shared the accompaniment model with him and confessed my fear of failure. He assured me, though, that I had definitely been participating in that journey and that accompaniment just by being there. By being a friend.

So I wonder then, is my call as a missionary so rare? Or is this idea of accompaniment something much more universal? Is it our call as humans to journey with each other through our crazy lives on this planet? Is that what being a social creature is all about?