So what in the world has this year been about?

Tonight I get to sleep with an Aurora Borealis machine! Crazy huh? I just had a quick chat with a person in my living area, and 'how was your day' turned into 'check out this space-toy I have!' Amazing what things turn into.
I returned to my room to continue working on my scrapbook - which is turning into quite a big project. I don't even know where to begin - how to organize - what audience to tell the story to... There are so many parts to the story. Young people and retreats, community, travel, personal growth, English culture, Catholicism, fun times... It's really making me wonder what this year has really been about, though I have somewhat come to the decision that it was about living with people and sharing all that comes with that in a Jesus kind of way. It's so different from my expectations.. affecting big change, having the time of my life, working really hard... I'm still having a tough time navigating a mental change. I am trying to convince myself that, though my expectations were different than the reality, that it's still OK- Good - Worthwhile...
I guess I just feel guilty about all the personal growth... but I suppose that sharing growing pains was just as much a part of this year as the young people that came to the centre. Hard to believe sometimes... was it that easy? Just... simply... live? Was that the task of this year? I suppose it was. "Accompany people on their journey". When a pianist is accompanying a soloist, both are playing music. Both are feeling and interacting with one another.
I suppose that's God's message though... we don't have to try. He's created us to function just right, and he's guiding us just where we need to be. There's nothing we can do to deserve this, we just gotta go with the flow... Sweet! Cheers God!
Well, it's nearly midnight, and the Aurora Borealis machine is waiting patiently by my bed - an experience has cropped up by doing exactly what this year is about - appreciating other's lives, going with the flow, and simply... living.

Tube time...

There was a man preaching on the tube last night. This happens from time to time - people preaching or making music... The general feel is usually quite uncomfortable. Tube riders keep their heads in their papers and don't acknowledge that anything is even happening. This time was no different. I initially felt a little nervous - not knowing what he would say. I tend to feel extra responsibility whenever a person is preaching about Jesus because I am a Christian myself. Would he be extreme? Would he say the things that sometimes make me embarrassed to associate myself with others that share my general faith category? I hate that I think these things, but experience has led me to be cautious.
As soon as he started speaking, though, it became clear that it was simply his testimony. He told about his younger years when he was really quiet and shy and how that all changed when he decided to be a Christian. That God helped him to come out of his shell and speak. His story was short and his message simple. He did not condom, patronize, or judge.
His humility and honesty were beautiful - he was not aggressive - his eyes skimmed above anyone's head. He just kept talking about how loved we all are - that God loves us all no matter what. He then passed out some little pamphlets with bible verses after he prayed with/for everyone. Not a prayer of conversion, just of blessing - for daily bread - not too much that we forget God - just as much as we need.
Anyway - no one on the tube would look at this guy. Newcomers to the train rolled their eyes and considered getting right back off. I nearly continued reading my paper until I saw my friend giving this man her full attention. It put me in check a little bit. Challenged me. So I was attentive as well. He didn't return our eyes. The train was silent - though whether that was due to his presence or normal tube culture I do not know.

Now, as a Christian, this is a typical message- one I hear most Sundays and certainly every day working in a Christian centre. So, though I felt uncomfortable in the circumstances, the message was not intrusive, offensive, or out of line at all. I don't know what it would be like if I were a person of a different faith or of no faith at all. My general feel about this guy was that he brought a sense of peace with him. He was really speaking from his heart and nowhere else. But I really cannot say what it would feel like to have someone telling me that a God loves me that I do not believe in. I don't know and I'd be curious to find out.

My road...

Today is June 1st. I finish service on July 13th and fly back to the US on July 25th. It's weird to think that last summer was an entire YEAR ago. I really don't think my brain has caught up with life. So much has changed, I have learned so much - but somehow time seems stagnant, like I've been living with the 'pause' button on.

I'm not sure how this year translates into the rest of my life - was it just 'a step away' from normal life, and come July 25th I'll be going back to my 'real world'? That doesn't seem quite right. I think the connection that isn't quite real in my mind yet is that SPEC and England are a big part of my life - my whole road of life - not just this bit like a pit stop on the way.

This is getting a bit complicated in words - let's try some pictures...

So I'm not the best artist :)

Is SPEC something that will always be a memory - like some random tumbleweed town I've driven through sometime in my past? Or is it a definite event in the road that will affect my course for years to come?

I'm sure it's the latter, but the real understanding of that will probably not show itself until much further down the line - now I'm just trying to live for the present - for what is happening right now and attempting to not think too much about how it will affect me in the future. It's going to weather I like it or not, so for now I think it's about letting it happen and enjoying every minute of the precious time we have left here together.