My Last Day in England - a letter to community

Hello there all you wonderful people!

I'm currently sitting in a hotel lobby. My parents flew back to America about a half hour ago, and I have one more day to hang out with Anthony in London before heading back myself. My feelings are odd. I'm trying to somehow transition from here to there, which carries with it a whole ton of ramifications - that I'm not sure I can begin to dictate quite yet, but hopefully I will at some point near in the future.

But I want to make a clear end to this year, and I'd like to share with you a letter that I wrote to my community this year. I'm not sure if they have all read it yet, but I know that it carries a message that has deeply affected me. I would be honoured if you could share in even just this small part of my thanks to this community.

Hi Beautiful people.

I didn’t really like Damian’s letter
assignment earlier this week. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure it had something to
do with being hard. Not knowing what to say. Not wanting to say farewell while I
would still see you every day. But you’re on to something Damian J So here you
guys go. I love you all.

Well, I’m sitting in Stanstead airport –
just left SPEC.

I have learned so much from this year – more than
learned, experienced, absorbed, lived. Thank you, community, for showing me a
new way to love, a new way to give, a new way to live. You have each been an
incredible friend and are so precious in such different ways. You have taught me
how to receive love, how to be humble, how to love in that sacrificial
way.

I sat in my room this morning, and saw how empty it was of
everything that had been added all year. But I did not experience a sense of
emptiness, but that of total fullness. The memories had not gone. The
relationship I have with my room is and will always been that of sharing the
hardest and most amazing times… we have journeyed together, just as we have,
community. But right now, in the airport – even on the drive away from the
house, I look around and do not see you. My head starts to worry that you are
not there. The feelings I have right now in an airport – those of aloneness,
sorrow, and pain of losing you… my instinct is to run straight to you – the ones
that have been such a support and that have lived through all these things to
me. You have ever-open arms and hearts. I don’t have to try and be anyone but
myself with you, and we have a bond of complete support. But I look around and
do not see you. I know I will not see you for quite some time. Our relationship
is changing (as it has all year, but this time there is a definite physical,
geographical change). But it’s like my room. My surroundings seem empty, but the
love, the memories, the hurt, the growth… is all still living and thriving in
ways that I could not previously even imagine. I am sure and I pray that those
things will continue to grow throughout life. Even though we are not physically
together, you will always be precious to my heart and life.

Know
that you are a blessing. To me and to all that I meet in the future. For the
Allison they meet will not just be Allison, but a living memory and
personification of all that SPEC community has been. All the love, struggle,
growth, generosity, honesty that comes seemingly from me will in fact be God,
me, and you living in that very experience.

Thank you for making
this commitment. This choice of community – this choice of love. It has not been
easy and we have been a blessing to each other in making that choice every day.
To go beyond warm fuzzies and truly show each other the greatest love that we
can posses – God within each of us. Thank you for trusting him, for drawing on
him, and for choosing love.

Thank you. I love you all so much.

Know also, that if we have ever crossed paths, you and me, that you are part of my community - the one that continues to inform and shape my every move and choice. Thank YOU.

And another big thank you to all those of you who have supported me, prayed for me, journeyed with me throughout this experience. There aren't really words to express my gratitude.

So what in the world has this year been about?

Tonight I get to sleep with an Aurora Borealis machine! Crazy huh? I just had a quick chat with a person in my living area, and 'how was your day' turned into 'check out this space-toy I have!' Amazing what things turn into.
I returned to my room to continue working on my scrapbook - which is turning into quite a big project. I don't even know where to begin - how to organize - what audience to tell the story to... There are so many parts to the story. Young people and retreats, community, travel, personal growth, English culture, Catholicism, fun times... It's really making me wonder what this year has really been about, though I have somewhat come to the decision that it was about living with people and sharing all that comes with that in a Jesus kind of way. It's so different from my expectations.. affecting big change, having the time of my life, working really hard... I'm still having a tough time navigating a mental change. I am trying to convince myself that, though my expectations were different than the reality, that it's still OK- Good - Worthwhile...
I guess I just feel guilty about all the personal growth... but I suppose that sharing growing pains was just as much a part of this year as the young people that came to the centre. Hard to believe sometimes... was it that easy? Just... simply... live? Was that the task of this year? I suppose it was. "Accompany people on their journey". When a pianist is accompanying a soloist, both are playing music. Both are feeling and interacting with one another.
I suppose that's God's message though... we don't have to try. He's created us to function just right, and he's guiding us just where we need to be. There's nothing we can do to deserve this, we just gotta go with the flow... Sweet! Cheers God!
Well, it's nearly midnight, and the Aurora Borealis machine is waiting patiently by my bed - an experience has cropped up by doing exactly what this year is about - appreciating other's lives, going with the flow, and simply... living.

Tube time...

There was a man preaching on the tube last night. This happens from time to time - people preaching or making music... The general feel is usually quite uncomfortable. Tube riders keep their heads in their papers and don't acknowledge that anything is even happening. This time was no different. I initially felt a little nervous - not knowing what he would say. I tend to feel extra responsibility whenever a person is preaching about Jesus because I am a Christian myself. Would he be extreme? Would he say the things that sometimes make me embarrassed to associate myself with others that share my general faith category? I hate that I think these things, but experience has led me to be cautious.
As soon as he started speaking, though, it became clear that it was simply his testimony. He told about his younger years when he was really quiet and shy and how that all changed when he decided to be a Christian. That God helped him to come out of his shell and speak. His story was short and his message simple. He did not condom, patronize, or judge.
His humility and honesty were beautiful - he was not aggressive - his eyes skimmed above anyone's head. He just kept talking about how loved we all are - that God loves us all no matter what. He then passed out some little pamphlets with bible verses after he prayed with/for everyone. Not a prayer of conversion, just of blessing - for daily bread - not too much that we forget God - just as much as we need.
Anyway - no one on the tube would look at this guy. Newcomers to the train rolled their eyes and considered getting right back off. I nearly continued reading my paper until I saw my friend giving this man her full attention. It put me in check a little bit. Challenged me. So I was attentive as well. He didn't return our eyes. The train was silent - though whether that was due to his presence or normal tube culture I do not know.

Now, as a Christian, this is a typical message- one I hear most Sundays and certainly every day working in a Christian centre. So, though I felt uncomfortable in the circumstances, the message was not intrusive, offensive, or out of line at all. I don't know what it would be like if I were a person of a different faith or of no faith at all. My general feel about this guy was that he brought a sense of peace with him. He was really speaking from his heart and nowhere else. But I really cannot say what it would feel like to have someone telling me that a God loves me that I do not believe in. I don't know and I'd be curious to find out.

My road...

Today is June 1st. I finish service on July 13th and fly back to the US on July 25th. It's weird to think that last summer was an entire YEAR ago. I really don't think my brain has caught up with life. So much has changed, I have learned so much - but somehow time seems stagnant, like I've been living with the 'pause' button on.

I'm not sure how this year translates into the rest of my life - was it just 'a step away' from normal life, and come July 25th I'll be going back to my 'real world'? That doesn't seem quite right. I think the connection that isn't quite real in my mind yet is that SPEC and England are a big part of my life - my whole road of life - not just this bit like a pit stop on the way.

This is getting a bit complicated in words - let's try some pictures...

So I'm not the best artist :)

Is SPEC something that will always be a memory - like some random tumbleweed town I've driven through sometime in my past? Or is it a definite event in the road that will affect my course for years to come?

I'm sure it's the latter, but the real understanding of that will probably not show itself until much further down the line - now I'm just trying to live for the present - for what is happening right now and attempting to not think too much about how it will affect me in the future. It's going to weather I like it or not, so for now I think it's about letting it happen and enjoying every minute of the precious time we have left here together.

El Camino de Santiago de Compostela

The Clean Picture

All eight of us at the airport before starting the trek.

A little over a week ago, I knew that eight of us were going on a trek across Northern Spain. I knew it was called El Camino de Sanitago de Compostela, and that we’d be walking – a lot. But that’s about it. What I have come to learn is that this pilgrimage is a journey that people have made for nearly 2000 years. It was an alternative destination when the Holy Land was too dangerous to seek. Instead, people opted to go to the resting place of St. James, who was thought to be a relative of Jesus Christ. At one point in time, pilgrimage was a religious requirement once in every Catholics life, and was often used as a penance.

These days, there are as many reasons for walking the Camino as there are people walking it. Some go for religious reasons, some for historical stimulation, and others just like walking. A common theme, though, is the feeling of closeness each pilgrim feels to another- each walking the same road – coming from different places, and heading to different places afterword. But at the present, all taking the same steps toward a common place. What a way to accompany one another. One woman offered her blister kit to us at a little café along the way. We at dinner with people from around the world – sharing stories, suggestions, and a very real support of one another. Many walked physically alone, but no matter where you were on the trail, there was a very real presence of the others walking and of all those who had walked before.

I spoke more Spanish than I ever thought I would (in a different dialect and accent).
We survived on very little -though when it rained ALL day, it seemed like a lot when we spread it out all over our room to dry... It smelled a little :)

We ate heartily to keep our bodies healthy and working throughout the long walks. Pilgrim meals were offered at nearly every restaurant we passed – 8 or 9 euros for bread, wine, water, starter, main, and dessert! Not bad :)


There were km markers along the way to state how much longer until Santiago. Only 100km left in this picture! For us this was in the first days, but for those who have done the whole thing, this is marking the last 8th of their trip. There were also little yellow arrows pointing the way every 15 minutes or so. Amazing how much trust we could put in some bright paint!

We didn’t pack much, since we would be carrying it on our backs the whole way – but after an entire day of rain, it seemed like we packed a lot more! This is our little room with our wet gear hung all over in an attempt to dry it!

We made it! This is Annika and me in front of the Santiago Cathedral – I thought it was much prettier at night! A wonderful end to a beautiful journey.

The full facebook photo album here!

Other fun spring pics here!

a little of this, a little of that

I feel awful for not blogging in such a while, but things have really been crazy. It's funny to see the other YAGM blogs beginning with the same sentence :) I suppose that it's that time of year though. Things are on the home stretch and everything that hasn't been done yet needs to be done now - in my case that involves a lot of exploring outside now that the sun is shining, spending time with a community that will only be around for another few months and is just now really forming into a family, and working quite a lot.

I have been quite blessed with exciting work lately! Today I got the chance to begin working on a year 8 program! Now, SPEC usually only works with year 10 and up (for a states translation, think one grade younger i.e. year 8 means 7th grade), so having a year 8 group is quite unique. This year has been a new challenge for me - working with older ones. I am much more gifted in the middle/elementary school area, and I have been itching to get back to the younger ones all year. I am pumped! We don't have a lot of materials for these guys because we don't usually work with their age, so Brandon asked me to brainstorm a few ideas, and I have gone a little crazy - but it's a crazy that is really re-energizing me for these last couple of months!

The other re-energizer for me has been working on developing a new play for our year 10 materials. We got a grant to work with the Ten-Ten Theatre company to develop, write, produce, and perform a play that discusses issues that meet the needs of year 10 students. Part of the development process was thinking about what we would say if we could give a young person one message when they came to SPEC. The overwhelming theme was that of affirmation. So the play we have developed surrounds four main themes of: Family, success, forgiveness, and gifts. But it all reality it covers a lot more and is a fabulous discussion starter for the young people as well as the team. Today it sparked a discussion regarding dreams. Are dreams different from goals, aspirations.... and how does that tie in with success? As most of us are working out what our next steps in life are going to be, this is definitely getting our gears turning!

Another part of work that I may not have mentioned here is the final Mass we do with the young people before they leave their residential experience (an overnight retreat). About an hour before Mass, we have the young people choose in which way they would like to participate. They get options of music, art, drama, readings and chapel space. Sometimes we throw in dance as well. While I grew up being quite used to the idea of young people getting involved in church, it is a rare occurance over here, so the experience of acting out the gospel or choosing how the chapel will look is quite a profound opportunity for these young people. The dramas are always quite fun. The young people often choose to take the message and bring it into a modern situation. We end up with quite a few... questionable behaviours demonstrated to get across the idea of forgiveness ;)

But what this leads me to think about is how we can bring our own culture into worship. The latest Global Mission newsletter had an interesting article about contextualizing the Gospel which really hit home. Without connecting God's message to our own situation, it's just amazing stories - bringing it to our every day life is when it can come alive. How often do we sit in church and zone out? How many things about the service do we not really understand? How often do we ask about those things? I guess my encouragement is not to forget that we all - not just children and teenagers - need the opportunity to bring God's message alive in our own lives. But we must be active about seeking those opportunities and creating the place where we can gain a fuller, closer knowledge of God's love.

I had a fabulous experience a couple weeks ago. I had my first Sunday off in AGES (we usually have a retreat), and Erik and I decided to go to the local Anglican church in London Colney. The service was wonderful - reminded me of home (shout out to CTS!). It was great to be able to share Holy Communion for the 2nd time this year. But what I really loved was this old man we met after worship. I'm not sure what his actual title was at the church, but he was certainly heavily involved in the activities, the building, the history... he cared SO much about this parish and really had made it his life - his purpose. It was beautiful to see someone so content and happy his commitment. I think it is wonderful that as humans we have a need to be commited to something. To have something to live for. Some have families, some have churches, or communities, or activities... But we love to be connected -we love to be needed and a part of something bigger than ourselves. Isn't it fabulous that we have these yearnings? Without them, nothing could really happen - the love that makes the world turn would sit stagnant :). I am so happy that those things that we love are the things that we are meant to do!

On a personal note, my spiritual life has been feeling quite stable lately. God is really teaching me the art of blind faith - of following his calling without knowing what all it holds. It is really exciting, though, to come to the realization that my life will be full of surprises - one new thing after the next, which is an amazing gift from God - I definitely could not do better. My challenge, though, is learning to accept -and more so embrace - change. I am so blessed to finally feel home here. The people have truly become family and I have become a part of the place as well. It's a feeling I have missed all year, and it has finally realized itself. It does put a new spin on relationships with those in US home. I haven't quite realized that I'm leaving here, or that I'm going to be establishing yet a new home in August. There is a strange sense of calm about the whole thing though. I may be learning and adopting this idea of a global home. It's a comforting concept - knowing that I have multiple homes, but it does question the definition and uniqueness of each, which will be important to explore in the coming months.

I must close for now, but I do have a couple quick prayer requests. There are 8 of us headed out on pilgramage next week. We are walking the last leg of the Camino de Santiago de Compostela. It is a pilgramage towards the Cathedral of St. James. Individual reasons for pilgramage vary greatly, and I'm not sure what mine is yet. Some go for reconciliation, some for peace of mind... I have a feeling my reason will find me on the way. I'm not quite sure what to expect other than the walking, but it is certainly a journey that involves physical, emotional, and spiritual elements. Please pray for this exciting journey!!
I also ask for prayers for SPEC as we head into this last stretch together - both for our work and for community. It's a weird place to be in that we have come so close together only to leave. We are all in the process of staying in the present even though the future is flying towards us.
And I'm saying a prayer for you. Thank you for all of your support. I appreciate it so much.
Cheers and God Bless!

Easter Break - Hungary and Sweden

A view of Budapest with Rebekah, Anthony, Alpar, and Me

There is SO much to tell, and many stories. I'll keep the best here and try to be brief :)

This Easter break Anthony, Rebekah, and I were blessed to be able to visit 2 other team members in their homes. First stop was in Hungary to visit Alpar in his hometown of Gyor. We were welcomed very warmly in his home with a homegrown, home cooked meal. Alpar's family is incredible that way! They have a cottage house out in the country where they grow fruits and vegetables. They make their own jam, juice, wine, and just about everything else. I loved that they still have their milk delivered by a milk man as well!

Beka and me with home made egg/potato salad

Alpar was an amazing tour guide for us the whole week. He has a real passion for history and architecture, so we could look at any building and say 'what's that?' and hear an incredible story. We were really lucky that way! We went to Gyor, Budapest, and Fertod. The best thing about Gyor was this amazing park by the river. We were able to sit and people watch. I don't know if it's the heat (pushing 30 Celsius) or the culture or what, but people were so relaxed - and I definitely caught a few couples... :) The best thing about Budapest was this really neat market where we got to experience Hungarian food and desserts - I had Langos (a potato pancake with garlic butter, sour cream, and cheese. mmm! And for dessert we had this long bread tube thing with cinnamon on it - delicious! And my favourite about Fertod was walking quite a ways to a castle where Haydn lived and composed! We took a tour and saw where he would have written and performed - pretty sweet if you ask me! Then we had a great lunch sitting in the GIANT lawn before running back to the train :)

Haydn probably roamed this garden humming his compositions... wow!

The most interesting cultural experience, though, was Easter monday. Easter Sunday was celebrated with church and a nice lunch along with a bike ride down to the Danube with Alpar's Dad. Quite pleasant. But Easter Monday was an event! The tradition is that the boys 'water' the girls for new growth - very Eastery. But do the girls run away or try and get them back? No. They give them cookies and cakes. So Beka and I awoke to buckets of water being poured on our heads. This is the first of 3 times that day that we were saturated by some male! But that's much less than the 20 times that some girls end up changing their clothes! We got to accompany Alpar around to his friends houses to continue watering :)

Beka and I. Saturation #2

Cycling to the Danube with Alpar's Dad

Our final night in Hungary was spent at the family Cottage house where we cooked dinner on a fire and had a chance to get to know some of his Brother's friends from Uni. There was music blasting from a car, and a good time was had by all, even if our communication was 95% non-verbal. We felt very blessed to be able to experience that world wide community first hand. We were dancing, laughing, and sometimes just sitting in silence as the fire crackled. Wow.

Then we headed off to Sweden! Alpar and I stayed with Sara Karls. When we arrived, she said "You want to see Sweden? Well, to me, Sweden is nature." So we spent most of our trip outside! We were in Hedemora, and very close to Dalarna, where the big red horse is. We had great fun exploring the huge amount of land, forest, and lake that the Karls own. Something that fascinated me was that in Sweden, you can go on anyone's land and camp anywhere for 2 days at a time as long as you don't completely trash the place. What a welcoming atmosphere! We got to ride Icelandic horses and go cross country skiing! (My first time! I fell a lot, but I was getting quite good at the end, until I fell in a bathtub size puddle!) We cooked Swedish desserts and saw beautiful Stockholm. What a treat! Oh! You know those candies we call 'Swedish Fish' back in the states? They don't call them that there ;)

Our last day in Sweden we got to hike up to the family cabin on the hills across the lake from their house. The land has been in the family for generations - it was cool to hear stories from way back when! We cooked over a fire and made sausages, corn, and my personal favourite - BREAD! (this is the perfect combo for my parents - Dad loves grilling, and Mom makes a mean loaf of bread!) It was a beautiful hike and a wonderful family tradition to be a part of.

Riding Icelandic Horses

The whole gang with a Swedish Gnome in Stockholm

Getting ready to hike at Sara's house

Me climbing out of a bathtub of a puddle!

For more stories and pictures of Hungary, click here, or here, or for even more, here

For more stories and pictures of Sweden, click here, and for more, here.

As always, know that you are all in my prayers. I love and miss you, and hope that your life is just as crazy as mine in your own special way :)

Born For This

Today has been... AMAZING!

Born For This is a musical/dramatic liturgy of the stations of the cross. This liturgy is done fairly commonly within British Catholic circles. It runs about 45 minutes, has 14 songs and 15 scenes (mostly poetry with silent movement by other actors) The SPEC team was presented with this as a project to do with a group of young people in nearby parishes. We were scheduled to have 2 days of prep for ourselves, and 6 hours with the young people before presenting it for their congregation. A bit of a challenge in the time constraint, but doable. The actual day presented a few more challenges (starting an hour late, having only 2 boys, etc.) But overall, it was a huge success!

Though our version of Born For This may not have been the most impressive theatrical or musical piece ever, we did our best in the situation we were in. And I don't say that as an excuse, I say that as praise. Every person working on this project gave their all and truly functioned as a team, which is something that we are constantly striving for at SPEC and has been a real struggle for us. But today, we really performed as a team - give and take, ebb and flow, respect and felxibility. I was truly proud to be a part of our team. The young people also brought amazing gifts, talents, drive, focus, willingness, and a sense of fun to the day. Wow.

It was also a personal highlight because I once again realized how much I truly love putting on a show! It was the first time I got to function as the proper musical director and play piano the whole show... kinda fun!

So THEN we went to the pub afterwords to celebrate and I had a very pleasant time just chatting it up and enjoying the company - especially of our chaplin, Damian. He just moved on-site, so we get to see him more frequently now, and he is a fab addition to the community.

AND THEN!!!

I came back to SPEC - now, I've been waiting for a letter from Illinois Wesleyan University about my application status. I'm leaving for Hungary tomorrow, and had pretty much resigned myself to not knowing until I got back in 2 weeks, BUT it was in my pigeon hole.... and I was accepted!!!! I am so excited! The past few weeks I have been really doubtful that I would get in, so I have been making all sorts of other life plans.... but the joy I have experienced just thinking about the IWU road makes it totally clear. :)

I love you all and will see you soon!

PS - iteresting that the title of this post is "Born For This"... potentially in reference to more than the show :)

For pictures of London in the Sun, click here.

Thoughts on a retreat

So... I just got off a pretty tough retreat. It was a total of about 5 hours with 97 young people! The sheer numbers presented a challenge, but when the young people arrived, it became clear that their attitudes would be a struggle as well. There was one boy in particular who was pretty obnoxious in sessions. He was making fun of people for their opinions, and blatantly disrespecting both the adults and his peers.

This continued all day - until it came time to get ready for mass. He chose the music group (the group I was heading up). Well, I braced myself for another challenging session, and when I offered the option of playing drums, he jumped at it. I was pretty worried at this point. Obnoxious boy with drum is not usually a good combination. Except this time it was. The minute he got his hands on it, his mood changed, and his response to requests was transformed. He was a great drummer, and really cared about what he was doing. Amazing what music will do for a young person.

But it's more than music. Maybe each of us has those one or two things that will change our attitude. Those things that we truly love, that make us feel alive. I can't help but thing God gave us these things so that we could both enjoy life and give to this great world. We can give through the actual activity and through the attitude it produces in us.

I read a passage in a book about capacities - that all you need to be happy in life is to have the capacity to enjoy a few things -only 2 or 3. But those things are the ones that keep you going. The old man in the book loved opera, his garden, and kids. I'm still searching to discern mine, but currently in the running are: Outside, Music, Theatre, and Meaningful Relationships. What are yours? Please tell me about them - it is truly amazing to hear people talk of their passions. A real gift.

Religion in Schools

From a recent trip to Portchester Castle (near Portsmouth)

I was blessed to stay with Katie and Victor (fellow ex-pats).

They welcomed me into their home and I got a chance to explore their amazing town!

Daffodils are like wildflowers here... everywhere!

When I began volunteering in this Catholic retreat centre, it was no surprise that the groups that came here were either from Catholic parishes or Catholic schools. What was surprising was how many there have been. Hertfordshire (our county) just seems to keep pumping out groups of Catholic students. I have grown up in the US where there are a smattering of Christian schools, but they are all private, and definitely not the norm. Our country has chosen to keep the two separate generally. So one of my standard questions to young people is "So, what do you think of having religion in your school?" because it is so foreign to me. Their responses always include a kind of blank look and something to the effect of "it's alright...".

Well, as I have discovered (I mean, I knew this, but I didn't quite realize this) is that the majority of schools in England are Catholic schools. To these young people, having religious education as a part of their studies is completely standard - they know nothing different, and are surprised when I tell them how separated the two are where I come from.

To me, having a class where we pray, and going to a school that builds in time for worship is bizarre. But these schools, like US schools are graded on performance in math in science, are also evaluated on their religious life.

My automatic assumption is that English students have greater opportunity to explore their faith, learn about their religion, and strengthen their community in a religious way. But I am discovering that it may do the opposite. By having religion as a standard subject, it makes it quantifiable, and takes away those more 'spiritual' experiences that one might experience in a parish that focuses more on the worship, fellowship, and prayer life. When these young people come to SPEC, a place that does focus on the latter mentioned areas in a way relateable to their generation, they are pretty surprised. Many comments in their evaluations say "I learned that being Christian can be cool", "I actually prayed during prayer" and things like that.

I look back on my own experience, and I really had to choose Christianity. I mean, my parents certainly had a say in my location on Sunday mornings and Thursday nights (choir :) ), but as I grew, it became something I owned for myself. Had it been a school subject, I could have just sailed through, experiencing it every day with all my friends, but because it was somewhat counter-cultural, it gave me the opportunity to embrace and value my beliefs as my own.

For more pictures of Portchester, click here.

For pictures of a recent trip to Oxford, click here.

For some SPEC social events, click here.

What am I doing here?

I've been thinking lately about what it means to be a missionary. This is something the YAGMs discussed quite a bit before departing to our countries of service. The word accompaniment was thrown around quite a bit, and thoughts of being with people on their journey were floating through my brain. It was quite a happy image - being the happy helper and making little differences every day to all those I encountered.

When I actually arrived, those thoughts were still in my mind, but quickly were replaced with the ins and outs of SPEC - how things go, what I was meant to do with young people, where the ketchup is, and other necessities of survival in a new home. My thoughts of service were then focused on the young people that would arrive at the centre ready to experience a SPEC retreat and all it has to offer. So I put all my energy towards learning the sessions I would lead, exploring British youth culture, and trying to figure out how high schoolers work (they have been a mystery to me in the past). As this part of my experience improved, it became apparent that the rest of my life needed a little bit of help too. I started to work on finding things to refill and recharge my batteries so that I could give the energy to the young people. These activities and strategies have been very important to my own mental health, and also to the ministry at SPEC. As the balance continues to morph into an ideal one, and my life starts to feel a little more at ease with a sense of normalcy, I am faced once again with the concept of being a missionary and wonder where that word falls now.

I think back to a story I heard from a previous YAGM about accepting an invitation to a woman's house for dinner, and that by letting this woman serve her, she was in turn serving her by acknowledging her gifts and talents. This is a lesson I have also learned this year living in a community full of people who like to help people. While there are many times where I would like to just deal with things myself, by letting down my walls and being open to help, I am showing my peer that I appreciate them - that they are important and special.

So then, where does the title 'missionary' lie?

Til now I have focused it on the work with young people, and as that has had its ups and downs, so have my feelings of accomplishment and worth. But have my eyes have only been seeing half of the picture? As I think back to the story from the former YAGM, I realize that one of her biggest experiences of accompaniment was not through her actual job title, but through her daily living - in her balanced life.

When encouraged to "go into ministry" I always have giggled because I view my life as my ministry. Why not live out the values and morals I hold every day and in everything I do? I can easily apply God's greatest commandment to love in any and every situation I encounter. It's not about being in ministry during the day and then being done and going home. Ministry is a lifestyle, and the same goes with accompaniment.

I feel silly putting all this together just now. For so long this has been the focus of my faith - letting it inform my life and not have an on/off switch. But in my pursuit of control and balance, let exactly that happen. I needed to quantify it in order for it to be real.

Coming to this realization has made me feel pretty rubbish lately. Have I not lived up to expectations? Have I missed the mark? So I had a good chat with Anthony about it. I shared the accompaniment model with him and confessed my fear of failure. He assured me, though, that I had definitely been participating in that journey and that accompaniment just by being there. By being a friend.

So I wonder then, is my call as a missionary so rare? Or is this idea of accompaniment something much more universal? Is it our call as humans to journey with each other through our crazy lives on this planet? Is that what being a social creature is all about?

USA is AOK: Superbowl, Peanut Butter, and University!

The past couple months have also brought some big American moments for me. The first clear one was the Superbowl! Brandon threw a fabulous party complete with all the fixin's! We had an explanation of American Football (most of the audience was from around Europe), chips and dip, pretzles, PB&J Sandwiches, pigs in a blanket, betting games, and the good ol' standby, beer. I was really excited about the explanation part because I have never understood it that well. Plus, it was late at night (it sarted at 11 pm over here).

The next of the American moments has been my recent obession with peanut butter. PB is not that popular over here, and the PB&J sandwich is certainly controversial. Now, I have never been a huge fan, but lately, it's all I crave! My Mom sent little JIF to-go pots, SPEC has some generic PB, and I was given some delicious natural PB for Christmas in Scotland. In one week, I may have consumed 2 small jars of peanut butter - eating it like ice cream! I introduced Annika and Anthony to it and we had a grand time as you can tell :)

PB&J Sandwiches were my food of choice as I headed off to my most American event of all - going to America! I made a trip back for 2 weeks to see family and to check out and audition at the 3 universities I am looking at for next fall. I had a fabulous trip! I got to celebrate my sister Megan's 17th birthday and see the whole family, went to PLU on a surprise visit to see Daniel and all the PLU lovelies, had a day with Dad and a day with Mom - both of which included visiting my favourite Bellingham parks, taking walks, catching up, and just being together. I have missed spending this time with them so much - even just car rides are always fun and enlightening. I got to see Megan in her Sound of Music rehearsal - boy has she got pipes these days! "I am 16 going on 17" was sung absolutely beautifully! The rest of my Washington stay was catching up with friends, visiting Western Washington University, and preparing to audition at the other 2 schools in the mid-west.

Those visits were grand fun - I fulfilled my long standing dream of going to Minnesota (because of the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous) and stayed with a friend from camp when I visited Concordia where we visited the Mall of America (my reaction: HUGE), and hung out with Aaron, who I haven't seen for a good year and a half! Aaron came with me to Illinois Wesleyan and kept me sane through the interviews and auditions. Then we went back to St. Louis (where he lives) and participated in a talent show fundraiser at his church. It was such fun to perform with him again! Homecoming came way too soon, but I really missed my friends back here at SPEC - we really form a family.

There were 4 stores devoted to Minnesota!

(Mall of America)

So - The main reason for this visit was to check out schools! My current ranking is as follows: 1:Illinois Wesleyan University, 2: Western Washington University, and 3: Concordia University, St. Paul. I don't think Concordia and I are a great match - It's a little too small, and the city a little too big. But the people were absolutely lovely - I felt very welcome the whole time. They have created a great community. Western was a really fun visit. Both the music and theatre departments had a real family atmosphere, while still obviously working hard for quality rehearsals and performances. Plus, it's in Bellingham, which is very possibly my favorite city so far! The only drawback is that it is so close to home (Love you Mom and Dad!) and I'm not sure if I could continue the great growth that has begun this year in a place where I have already established a bit of a different life than the one I'm living now. Maybe I could, though - It would be an adventure. Illinois Wesleyan was my favorite! Again - great family atmosphere in both music and theatre, and a theatre program and faculty to die for! I really would like to be a part of their BA program, which encourages a well rounded theatre education with a self-created emphasis. Basically - work on what you love and what you want to learn - without losing any performance opportunity. It really fits me. Unfortunately, this is also the audition I feel went the worst, so I guess we'll see what happens... I'm working hard to keep positive and open to wherever I am called for next year, but it's hard sometimes!

Aaron and I had a lot of fun in IWU's gorgeous Ames Library
but who couldn't with a Beauty and the Beast ladder!?

Coming back to SPEC has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I was initially really excited to see everyone, give hugs, tell stories, and enjoy England. That subsided pretty quickly as I became rapidly tired and have been working every day since my arrival. I am having bit of an identity struggle. I was just beginning to feel 'English' ish when I hopped back to my old location and self. But when I got there, I felt more English than American, and then coming back, the same. It's a crazy process, but I'm getting there. I'm excited to return to England with new eyes - refreshed with an American perspective so that I can truly appreciate all the little intricacies of the English culture that are so subtle I wouldn't notice till I left. i.e. tea breaks - I didn't like them at first, but found myself missing them in the states.

Continued prayer for patience, strength and perspective are always welcome. And thank you all so much for the plethora of post that was waiting for me upon return from the states. Post is still one of my favorite things to get! It's so exciting! Keep me posted on your lives - I love and miss you all!

For more pictures of the Superbowl party and other SPEC events, click here.

For more pictures of the first week in the USA, click here.

For more pictures of USA week 2, click here.

Young People in the Church

Hello! It has been over a month since my last proper blog post, so I'm going to try and catch up in a few posts :)

Since the new year, the SPEC team has been doing a lot of team building. This has included doing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, going to M&S (a posh grocery/department store) for coffee, and doing some communication training with our sister project, SPECEast (The one I went on the primary school mission with). This has been great for the team as we learn more about who we are - especially in a work context. The Myers-Briggs assessment points out 4 different areas of personality and we explored which ends of each of these preferences we fell into. Our conversations about frustrations, differences, and problems have become much smoother now that we have that language to use as a team.

This is a 'Friends' poster with the faces of members of

our living area cleverly replacing the originals. Can you find me?

Our training at SPECEast included some communication tools, as well as training on confirmation groups. We spend a lot of time discussing what our confirmations were like and what confirmation is like for the young people we see week after week. As we have chatted, it has come to my attention that, even though I griped about my own confirmation, in all reality, my experience was pretty darn good. That got me thinking on the idea of choosing our attitude and having perspective about life. Especially our church lives.

Young people here have a much different experience of the church than those in the United States. Though certainly not all churches, many US churches typically have some form of youth group, an excited team of adults that knows and wants something to happen for young people - even if they can't quite figure out 'what' or 'how'. Young people are encouraged to get involved and be a part of the church in their own ways. Youth services, praise bands, church choirs etc. The larger expresses this as well through youth gatherings, conferences, and retreats.

That's very much not the case here. Young people are kind of expected to just fit into the adult life of the church and go with it. But as many have discovered, young people are in a different place in life. When they don't enjoy church, they tend to leave.

So I wrote a letter to my home congregation here it is:

Dear CTS, Please be thankful for CTS. Please be thankful for the community
and family. For the passion of so many members. For the offerings of time,
talents, money, ad love. For the openness, for the care of all. For your
thriving ministries for young and old. For the life that all people bring - even
though it may cause strife, it creates movement, and displays the care and
passion and love you all bring. For the support you have for each other - the
excitement for each life. For the intellect balanced with spirituality and the
diversity in music, worship, prayer, opinions... That all of this can happen is
a great testament to the world. You are a living, breathing, dynamic body of
Christ that moves and grooves and responds and lives. Please be thankful and
joyous in the fact that you have evaded the trap of static apathy and have
embraced the movement of your dynamic community. We are all so blessed to play a role. I am so thankful.

Continue to be blessed, Allison

This all puts a whole new spin on my work here at SPEC. It explains why only 20% of our confirmation candidates want to do their confirmation for faith related reasons and why I haven't been able to relate as well to their experience. It does open the window for me to listen to their experiences and have some insight as to where to go next. I have gone through all of the name games that every young christian in America plays ad naseum, and seen programs go from start to finish. There is an opportunity for me to be a resource and different perspective. This has taken the form of passing on song titles, teaching games, and just letting young people know that they CAN and DO have a place and a responsibility in this world to own their faith, their talents, their gifts, and go for it!

Excitement!

A Quiet SPEC in the snow :)

A quick update on the last few days

Our heat stopped working on Friday.

We HAD 2 groups scheduled for the weekend, but since the heating in much of the project wasn't working- including our main kitchen, one had to cancel.

The group that DID come slept in warmth, but of our meeting rooms, only one had heat - we used little space heaters for the rest, which helped a bit.

Come Friday night, we realize that most of the team do not have heating in their rooms, and there is no hot water in our living area either.

Saturday is the same.

Then it began to snow.

We now have about 2 inches or more.



Rebekah (from New Zealand) was really excited for 'soft snow' and made her first snow angel! I'm excited because it's beautiful outside and since I don't work today, it sort of feels like Christmas! Many school children are excited for a snow day.
Many drivers are not. Driving in London in the snow would NOT be a pretty sight.

Now, this experience could be... really bad. But what I love about SPEC is that they make things work. Each team member with a cold room got a space heater. They have made sure that we know where to go for hot water, and have even arranged other areas to sleep if we need it.

It's times like these when I like to throw back my head and laugh. How easy would it be to be grumpy this weekend? Quite easy. But this can be another new and exciting adventure. It's certainly not an expected, normal day, but that's it's beauty. In this day lies ample opportunity to get creative, see new things, and enjoy the spontaneity of creation.

In other news: I have been accepted to Western Washington University and Concordia University St. Paul. I am still waiting for news from Illinois Wesleyan, which is frustrating, because at this moment in time, it is my number 1 choice... Ah well, we shall see what happens.

More to come soon - just wanted to share snow day fun!

Snow Fun!!
Cheers!

TFG BIG conference 2009

Hello All!

I just arrived back from the Time for God BIG conference. This is the time of year when all of the TFG volunteers serving in the UK get together to learn, share experiences, and have a lot of fun! To reflect on our year so far, we were split into small groups - I was in the Arts and Crafts group, so to process what we have done and learned so far, we made books. These books could be anything from our imagination with the theme of 'My year so far...' (and the year yet to come). On the right is a picture of Me, Sara K., Elin, and Alpar with our books. My book turned into a scrapbook of sorts, with a page devoted to new foods, another to memories, some pages about SPEC, and some about me - it's a pretty fun book! I never knew how much fun arts and crafts could be, but I found it very meditative. I hope to make another one at the end of my year, with all of the pictures I am accumulating!





The other highlight of the conference was 'The Fringe'. A multi-cultural talent show! We saw performances of songs and dances from South Korea, Scotland, Hungary, America, Germany, and Sweden, among other silly performances of Little Mermaid re-enactments and an 'Air Band' (that was from the Americans :) ) We saw some tradition dress from both Germany and South Korea. Below is me with Martin and Annika in traditional Bavarian dress. The will still wear this dress to special occasions such as 21st birthdays and weddings!

Our other neat opportunity at this conference was to watch the inauguration of President Obama in Wales with young people from all over the globe. I have never been so 'American' in my life. There were 11 Americans at the conference, and we all stood when the people on t.v. stood, we sang the National anthem with the choir, and said 'Amen' at the end of the final prayer (a prayer which made us all smile). The British commentators were funny - as George W. left the white house for the last time, the commentator referred to him as 'A lovely man, though I know some don't quite agree with his politics'. :)

During this, a good portion of the other volunteers watched, and said that we were more interesting than the actual speech itself! But we were not the only excited ones. Obama's presidency has excited the world. There have been large posters of him in the tube, and when young people hear that I'm American, they always ask if I support Obama. It's nice to have Europeans seeing good in the US. I worry for him - he has a lot on his plate with a lot of people expecting great things. It seems to me,though, that he's got a good head on his shoulders, and isn't too cocky about the challenges ahead. These next few years will certainly be interesting!

Current prayer requests include TFG Volunteers heading back into their placements, Anthony visiting Zimbabwe, The new USA administration, and SPEC's young people, volunteers, and staff.

That's the quick update for now!

Cheers!

Picture links!!

Planting flowers with community and London trip with the girls, Click Here

TFG BIG Conference, Click Here

Horses!

On Wednesday, SPEC had some unexpected visitors. We were patienly awaiting the arrival of a retreat group, but instead of young people, 15 horses showed up on our fields! They were beautiful - brown and white - but we were slightly confused as to how and why they were there. Turns out, there is a traveling community that takes these horses to different fields. The reason they do this is due to some funny English laws. If a herd of horses ends up in an enclosed field, then the owner of the field is then responsible for the well being of the horses, as well as any damage they might cause (i.e. running out onto a road and causing an accident). There are ways to get a court order to sort things out which costs thousands of pounds and takes about 2 weeks. What the traveling community does is take the horses to another field on day 13. So we potentially had 15 horses to feed, take care of, and keep safe for a couple of weeks.

Here's the cool part. This traveling community also comes to SPEC to collect scrap metals. So we called up our contact through that, and 5 people were in our fields taking the horses away within 30 minutes. One of the guys remembered coming to SPEC on a retreat as a youngster. The thought is floating arond that because we respect this community for who they are and give them our scrap metals and such, it wasn't a problem to take the horses right away. Amazing what acceptance can do.