I'm currently sitting in a hotel lobby. My parents flew back to America about a half hour ago, and I have one more day to hang out with Anthony in London before heading back myself. My feelings are odd. I'm trying to somehow transition from here to there, which carries with it a whole ton of ramifications - that I'm not sure I can begin to dictate quite yet, but hopefully I will at some point near in the future.
But I want to make a clear end to this year, and I'd like to share with you a letter that I wrote to my community this year. I'm not sure if they have all read it yet, but I know that it carries a message that has deeply affected me. I would be honoured if you could share in even just this small part of my thanks to this community.
Hi Beautiful people.
I didn’t really like Damian’s letter
assignment earlier this week. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure it had something to
do with being hard. Not knowing what to say. Not wanting to say farewell while I
would still see you every day. But you’re on to something Damian J So here you
guys go. I love you all.
Well, I’m sitting in Stanstead airport –
just left SPEC.
I have learned so much from this year – more than
learned, experienced, absorbed, lived. Thank you, community, for showing me a
new way to love, a new way to give, a new way to live. You have each been an
incredible friend and are so precious in such different ways. You have taught me
how to receive love, how to be humble, how to love in that sacrificial
way.
I sat in my room this morning, and saw how empty it was of
everything that had been added all year. But I did not experience a sense of
emptiness, but that of total fullness. The memories had not gone. The
relationship I have with my room is and will always been that of sharing the
hardest and most amazing times… we have journeyed together, just as we have,
community. But right now, in the airport – even on the drive away from the
house, I look around and do not see you. My head starts to worry that you are
not there. The feelings I have right now in an airport – those of aloneness,
sorrow, and pain of losing you… my instinct is to run straight to you – the ones
that have been such a support and that have lived through all these things to
me. You have ever-open arms and hearts. I don’t have to try and be anyone but
myself with you, and we have a bond of complete support. But I look around and
do not see you. I know I will not see you for quite some time. Our relationship
is changing (as it has all year, but this time there is a definite physical,
geographical change). But it’s like my room. My surroundings seem empty, but the
love, the memories, the hurt, the growth… is all still living and thriving in
ways that I could not previously even imagine. I am sure and I pray that those
things will continue to grow throughout life. Even though we are not physically
together, you will always be precious to my heart and life.
Know
that you are a blessing. To me and to all that I meet in the future. For the
Allison they meet will not just be Allison, but a living memory and
personification of all that SPEC community has been. All the love, struggle,
growth, generosity, honesty that comes seemingly from me will in fact be God,
me, and you living in that very experience.
Thank you for making
this commitment. This choice of community – this choice of love. It has not been
easy and we have been a blessing to each other in making that choice every day.
To go beyond warm fuzzies and truly show each other the greatest love that we
can posses – God within each of us. Thank you for trusting him, for drawing on
him, and for choosing love.
Thank you. I love you all so much.
Know also, that if we have ever crossed paths, you and me, that you are part of my community - the one that continues to inform and shape my every move and choice. Thank YOU.
And another big thank you to all those of you who have supported me, prayed for me, journeyed with me throughout this experience. There aren't really words to express my gratitude.
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