I've been thinking lately about what it means to be a missionary. This is something the YAGMs discussed quite a bit before departing to our countries of service. The word accompaniment was thrown around quite a bit, and thoughts of being with people on their journey were floating through my brain. It was quite a happy image - being the happy helper and making little differences every day to all those I encountered.
When I actually arrived, those thoughts were still in my mind, but quickly were replaced with the ins and outs of SPEC - how things go, what I was meant to do with young people, where the ketchup is, and other necessities of survival in a new home. My thoughts of service were then focused on the young people that would arrive at the centre ready to experience a SPEC retreat and all it has to offer. So I put all my energy towards learning the sessions I would lead, exploring British youth culture, and trying to figure out how high schoolers work (they have been a mystery to me in the past). As this part of my experience improved, it became apparent that the rest of my life needed a little bit of help too. I started to work on finding things to refill and recharge my batteries so that I could give the energy to the young people. These activities and strategies have been very important to my own mental health, and also to the ministry at SPEC. As the balance continues to morph into an ideal one, and my life starts to feel a little more at ease with a sense of normalcy, I am faced once again with the concept of being a missionary and wonder where that word falls now.
I think back to a story I heard from a previous YAGM about accepting an invitation to a woman's house for dinner, and that by letting this woman serve her, she was in turn serving her by acknowledging her gifts and talents. This is a lesson I have also learned this year living in a community full of people who like to help people. While there are many times where I would like to just deal with things myself, by letting down my walls and being open to help, I am showing my peer that I appreciate them - that they are important and special.
So then, where does the title 'missionary' lie?
Til now I have focused it on the work with young people, and as that has had its ups and downs, so have my feelings of accomplishment and worth. But have my eyes have only been seeing half of the picture? As I think back to the story from the former YAGM, I realize that one of her biggest experiences of accompaniment was not through her actual job title, but through her daily living - in her balanced life.
When encouraged to "go into ministry" I always have giggled because I view my life as my ministry. Why not live out the values and morals I hold every day and in everything I do? I can easily apply God's greatest commandment to love in any and every situation I encounter. It's not about being in ministry during the day and then being done and going home. Ministry is a lifestyle, and the same goes with accompaniment.
I feel silly putting all this together just now. For so long this has been the focus of my faith - letting it inform my life and not have an on/off switch. But in my pursuit of control and balance, let exactly that happen. I needed to quantify it in order for it to be real.
Coming to this realization has made me feel pretty rubbish lately. Have I not lived up to expectations? Have I missed the mark? So I had a good chat with Anthony about it. I shared the accompaniment model with him and confessed my fear of failure. He assured me, though, that I had definitely been participating in that journey and that accompaniment just by being there. By being a friend.
So I wonder then, is my call as a missionary so rare? Or is this idea of accompaniment something much more universal? Is it our call as humans to journey with each other through our crazy lives on this planet? Is that what being a social creature is all about?
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