Where is God?

Before reading, please know that I am having a really good time in England - I am learning loads, making great friends, and enjoying the work we do here at SPEC. These are thoughts inspired by the question 'Where is God in suffering?'

In a crazy world, we see amazing things happening – inventions, births, mountain-top retreats, beautiful creation, music… the list goes on and on. Here at SPEC, we do a morning prayer called ‘Looking out for Love’ that features the Fleetwood Mac song by the same title and a powerpoint presentations displaying pictures of amazing and not-so-amazing events in our world. There are pictures of new-born babies and people jumping out of airplanes. There are also images of hunger, poverty, and injustice. The question arises – Where is God in those situations? Where do we see that love that we are looking out for?

It’s easy to look at the work we do and see God. We see loads of young people come through the centre getting a chance to experience new things, make new friends, and seeing God in a new light. Hearing about some of their families is amazing. Some of these young people have got amazing opportunities and they are taking them – I had a group of musicians today that busted out 3 part harmony on a song they had just learned. But hearing their stories about home can also pose the question of where God is in their lives. Some live in constant fear of leaving their post-code because of gang violence. Others joined their first gang at 13, and have held guns often. Some have one or no parents due to this violence.

My life in England thus far has had plenty of good times, and lots of learning experiences. But it would be a lie to say that it’s been all tea and biscuits (though there has been a LOT of tea and biscuitsJ ) I have had a big struggle adjusting to my new life. I have left everything familiar. Family, friends, school, music, feeding myself, my church, my culture… all things that I have known from a young age that haven’t changed much. I have felt very alone in that – stripped of my identity - though for a long time I did not realize that this was the root cause of my distress. Where do I find God amidst my own suffering? I spoke with a priest about my feelings and how I thought that I should somehow ‘be stronger’ – all he had to say was ‘Jesus wept’. It’s a weird connection to make – my own suffering to Jesus’. His was so much more large, so much more important – but to see that Jesus did suffer, and that he did have times of weakness somehow allowed me to let go and accept that there is suffering in life and that it’s alright, normal, and important to the flow of life. Without suffering, could there be joy? Without valleys, could there be mountains? I know it sounds cliché, but I think it’s true. Sometimes the bad times can be for gaining perspective, or ‘making you stronger’. But for me, it’s seeing that even though things are bad, even though I might feel like crap, I’m still here. Life is still moving and I am surviving. I can continue on. God is still here. It’s about proving that God really is all I need. When everything else is gone, God is still there. It has been a profound realization. To see that so much of life is not 'needed' but makes it so full.

We do a reconciliation service during most of our retreats. This involves multiple prayer stations with the theme of reconciling – with the world, with yourself, with others, and with God. This tends to cause lots of emotion and lots of tears. It can be a painful experience to draw up all of those memories and try to let go of them. Thinking of all of your regrets and mistakes is not pleasant. It’s painful. Where is God? He is in the comfort that is given from one 14 year old boy to another. The last retreat I was on ended up with 4 of our toughest guys crying and hugging each other. God was in the comfort, the teamwork, and the ability they had to share that experience with each other.

So where is God in suffering? He’s in the little triumphs, the realizations, the silver lining. Maybe he’s in the learning experience, maybe it’s to prove that he’s all we really need. I’m quite sure it’s different in every situation – and maybe we never know until after the fact. I think, though, to keep sane in this life, we have to look for God in everything – including the bad, the suffering. There is so much good in this life to look at – but we tend to focus on the bad anyway don’t we? So we might as well start exploring the good side of the bad if that makes any sense at all. If we can manage to find the good- the God- in the bad situations, how much more will we be able to appreciate the good situations?

There are situations all around our world in which I find it extremely difficult to see the good and find God. I think you can all understand those horrific tragedies I refer to. At this point, all I can do is trust that he is there.